When we watch several popular reality TV shows like Kitchen Nightmares, Hoarders, Bar Rescue, and The Biggest Loser, we always notice the connection between major grief events and the subsequent misfortunes the folks featured on these shows suffer. While the shows do give some voice to the events that led up to the fall, they usually gloss over them and move right toward the entertainment quotient built into the dazzling solutions they offer.

Short term rather than long term

Solutions are good, but if they are short-term rather than long-term, we wonder what happens to those folks after the initial glitz and glare of the TV show and its attendant publicity wear off. For example, after Chef Ramsey leaves, what happens to the chef/owner who still misses his father who died three years ago who helped him start the restaurant? Another question is about the contestants on The Biggest Loser. We know they get a crash course in caloric intake and exercise and energy output, but do they get in-depth help for the probability that most of them ate to cover-up feelings about the loss events that are still unfinished emotionally for them? Do they know that they’re likely to put most or all of the lost weight back on because the underlying grief has not been dealt with?

We rarely hear of any follow-up to see if those folks, who were fortunate enough to be featured in the shows, have been able to sustain their new lives or revived businesses. If we had to guess, we’d say “not so much.” We say that because we know that unresolved grief is cumulative and cumulatively negative, and we know that time can’t heal emotional wounds; and we know that current success doesn’t repair the emotions attached to past losses. We also know that the single most difficult aspect for grieving people—whether the loss is recent or some time ago—is an inability to focus or concentrate. Those are elements that can clearly affect the ability to be successful the second time around.

What was the initial grief event?

Maybe we’re different from other people, but when we talk to someone whose life or business has descended into the pits, our first question is, “What grief event precipitated this decline?” When asked that question, most people will back their story up and tell us the truth, “It all began after my father died,” or, “Within weeks of our decision to divorce.”

At that point, the grieving person naturally begins to connect the dots and realizes that it may well be their grief that has caused the rest of their life to go into a tailspin. If they’re fortunate enough to identify their unresolved grief as the underlying problem, they can focus on finding an appropriate method to help them deal with the events and circumstances that have broken their hearts. 

Having gone bankrupt myself in the restaurant business 28 year ago, I am now aware that the poor business decisions I made in the aftermath of my divorce, were the cause of my financial failure. I now realize that, “When your heart is broken, your head doesn’t work right: and when your heart is broken, your spirit cannot soar.” With that in mind, intellectual and spiritual concepts don’t work to repair the broken heart. Only emotional solutions can address  emotional issues.

Ah, if only I’d known then what I know now.

Do you watch other shows where grief is a major theme? Comment below!

If you found this article helpful information, you may want to read these as well from our searchable Grief Blog:

7 signs you're experiencing unresolved grief

Can you experience grief if no one died

Cumulative Grief