★★★★★

★★★★★

2.00 Stars

I was extremely pleased with the facilitators and how they instructed our meetings. My problem was with the actual content of the program. Although I agreed with many of the points made there were many I disagree with and feel will cause some people more harm then good. I strongly agree that Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person and is an action, not a feeling. One of my problems is in chapter 8, first paragraph where it states, "Since we have ALL been socialized from early on to deal with sad, painful, and negative emotions INCORRECTLY,....." That is very presumptive and arrogant of the writers to think that everyone was taught wrong and that they are the only ones who know how to handle grief. It has been 25 years since my parents were murdered. I believe I made it through because of the wonderful way that I was taught and handled things the way that was needed. Also in chapter 8 it is implied that everyone is either given food or told to ignore their grief. This also is not true. I was blessed with parents that sat and talked with me when there was a problem and helped me work it out. They did not ignore it or tell me I should not be feeling that way or give me food or anything else to take me mind off it. It was dealt with. Saying that we have all been taught to bottle up our feelings is wrong. I am sure some people were taught that, but not everyone. One of my other big problems was with the relationship graph. Dredging things up from the past just so you can forgive someone or apologize for something that is long since finished is not helpful; I feel it only causes more pain. Someone like me who was taught correctly to handle things when they happened has already dealt with these things so do not need to bring them up again, that is just asking for trouble. I also disagree with you saying not to touch someone and not to respond to their statements. I am sure I am not the only one that feels that when someone reaches out and touches me when I am sharing something so important means they are actually listening and at least in a small way understanding what I am saying. Also some small words of comfort are wanted not frowned upon. I think your book is a great starting point but think it would be better if you did not just assume everyone was taught incorrectly. You made lots of good points that I have thankfully, already learned along my journey. As one of the other members of my group so wonderfully said, I joined this group to add more tools to my life. Tools to use to help myself and loved ones to get through the hard times. I am very glad I attended these meetings because I made some new friends.

Support Groups

04/30/2019

Participant in Bridgeton, NJ