Navigating the Holidays With a Broken Heart

The holidays are often seen as a time for joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for those grieving the loss of a loved one or dealing with a major life change like divorce, this season can feel especially heavy. If it’s the first holiday without someone you’ve lost, the pain may feel even sharper. Even years later, holiday traditions and gatherings can bring up emotions that are hard to manage.

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it’s common to feel isolated during what is supposed to be the “happiest time of the year.” You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s okay to acknowledge the struggle.

What Grief Feels Like

Grief is a natural response to loss, filled with a mix of emotions. It often feels like reaching for someone who’s no longer there when you need them most. Adapting to life without them is challenging, and the holiday season—with its reminders of family, love, and tradition—can intensify the pain.

Many grieving people wish they could skip the season altogether, avoiding the decorations, gatherings, and traditions that highlight what’s missing. Whether it’s the loss of a spouse, parent, sibling, child, or partner, these feelings are completely valid. It’s okay to worry about how you’ll get through it or even consider sitting out some celebrations.

Why Grief Is Hard to Talk About

Grief is universal—something we all experience—but it’s often an uncomfortable topic in our culture. Many people don’t know what to say, so they either avoid it or rely on well-meaning but unhelpful phrases like:

• “Time heals all wounds.”
• “Be strong for the kids.”
• “At least they lived a long life.”

While these comments may be intended to comfort, they often miss the mark. Time passing doesn’t heal wounds on its own, and pretending to be “strong” can lead to burying feelings instead of addressing them. People walking through loss need support, not advice or platitudes.

What Grievers Really Need

In a survey, grieving people shared that what they wanted most after a loss was to talk about the person they lost and the memories they hold dear. Yet, when others were asked how they thought they should respond to someone grieving, most chose “act as if nothing happened.”

This disconnect highlights how uncomfortable many people are with grief. But giving someone the space to share their feelings can be one of the most meaningful gifts you can offer. If they don’t feel like talking, that’s okay too—just showing that you care is enough.

How to Start the Conversation

If you want to support someone who is grieving but don’t know what to say, try starting with a simple, empathetic statement like:

• “I heard about your loss—I can’t imagine what this has been like for you.”

This kind of phrasing is open-ended and non-judgmental. It invites the person to share, without pressuring them to respond. The word “imagine” is especially powerful—it shows that you’re trying to understand without assuming you know how they feel.

Creating this kind of safe space is important. Grievers are often hyper-aware of others’ reactions and may feel hesitant to open up if they sense judgment or discomfort.

Honoring Loved Ones

Talking about the person you’ve lost can be healing, even during the holidays. Sharing memories doesn’t have to be somber—it can bring laughter, warmth, and connection too.

For example, one person shared how they toast their late mother every Thanksgiving. This small tradition sparks heartfelt conversations and cherished memories among family members. Acknowledging a loss during the holidays doesn’t make the pain worse—it often helps.

Moving Through Grief

Grief is a journey, not a destination, and recovery happens through small, intentional steps. It’s okay to take time for yourself, set boundaries, or skip certain traditions if they feel too overwhelming.

If you know someone who is grieving, one of the best gifts you can give them this holiday season is your presence. Be there to listen, share a memory, or simply let them know they’re not alone.

The holidays can be hard, but they can also be a time to honor those we’ve lost by celebrating the love and memories they’ve left behind.