As professionals who deal with those who have experienced a loss, there are certain things that we know are better ways of helping. The comfort from family and friends is sometimes helpful to the bereaved but on a professional level, there are a few specific things to remember when working with a person who is grieving a loss.

The difference is that a non-professional sometimes unconsciously says the wrong thing or uses phrases that they feel are the right things to say when in fact, it's not. For the professional, here are three things to remember when helping a client with grief.

Grief is an Emotional Experience NOT an Intellectual One

Addressing grief through intellect does not work for a number of reasons. The main reason is grief is an emotional response and experience and no amount of conversation based on what should happen is an indication of what happens when involving emotions. Trying to use intellect to address the grief process only tries to insert the theory of how everyone is the same and this is how you should grieve - nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone's emotional response is different and there is no blanket statement that covers how someone feels.

Grieving People Need and Want You To Listen

Someone who is grieving wants to be listened to and as a professional, it is important to truly listen - with your heart and your ears. Many people who have had a loss will sometimes say that they don't want to talk about it or will become withdrawn. However, there is plenty that they need to talk about, it just takes the right person to show that they are listening without judgement.

Those Experiencing Grief Hear the Worst From People Who Mean Well

Someone suffering a loss often hears the worst things and usually it is from people who actually mean well. Here are just a few common phrases that are not only inappropriate but hurtful.

• At least they aren't suffering now and is at peace. This is not appropriate for a few reasons. For one, this implies that the bereaved person's loss is minimized because their loved one was suffering. It can also be hurtful to the person because they're probably not in a place to be "grateful" at the moment. The grieving person may come to these feelings at some point if that is what is true for them. However, from your outside perspective, do not feel you have to introduce them to a timeline to that effect.
• I know how you feel. This is wrong on many levels because you do not know how they feel. Everyone grieves in a different way and while you too many have lost a loved one, that does not make your journey the same as the other person's journey. This too, minimizes their grief. Remeber, every relationship is unique, therefor every grieving person is unique.
• They are with the angels now or they are with God. People mean well when they say this but religious views aside, even if the person is religious it can cause them to be angry with God. Even a slightly different view on religion deems this inappropriate to say to someone. 
• If you need anything, just let me know. The problem with this is that while you mean well, keep in mind that the person who is grieving will not call and ask for your help. If you want to help, do it. By society's standards, we're supposed to be "fine" at work three days after a loss or back at school one day after the loss! Functioning perfectly which is impossible. With this unreal expectation, it is very hard for a grieving person to reach out and ask for help. We've been trained to go underground with our grief from a very early age.
• They died doing what they love. Whether the person died mountain climbing, was in the military, or simply enjoying a drive through the country - saying this belittles the feelings of the person grieving. It may be well-intended but it projects the thought of making their grief logical instead of emotional.

As a professional, these are a few tips on how to help deal with someone who is grieving while not making common mistakes that non-professionals do.