“Wish your dad a Happy Father’s Day, Happy Birthday, I love you and anything else you want to say to him. He can still hear you.” the middle aged hospice nurse compassionately suggested. Although the nurse was trying to help me say goodbye to dad, she didn’t understand that our family didn’t do emotions. Her kind gesture wasn’t helping me let dad go, rather adding a layer of shame and guilt on top of the overwhelming sadness I felt. For years I believed time, busyness, and remaining strong, by not speaking of negative emotions, would eventually heal my broken heart.

I gave my grief stricken heart twenty years to heal, but it hadn’t. I thought if I was patient and positive enough, my negative emotions would somehow magically disappear. When that didn’t happen, I told myself I wasn't trying hard enough and went in search for answers. I began my inward self awareness journey from my head to my heart in search of answering life’s question, Who am I? Although I discovered who I was, which felt empowering and enlightening, my heart remained emotionally heavy. I may have known more about myself, but remained stuck at what to do with all of the grief I continued to feel. That was, until I came across The Grief Recovery Handbook, where it’s subtitle, “The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce and Other Losses, Including Health, Career and Faith” caught my eye. Finally, I had located the action steps I needed to follow to recover from all I had discovered in self awareness.

“We’re taught how to acquire things, not what to do when we lose them.” That was it! I had never been taught how to lose things in my life, and no matter how hard I tried using my “headspace” it couldn’t work. It wasn’t my head needing recovery, it was my emotional heart needing it. A heart which required a set of emotional intelligence action steps, which the Grief Recovery Method taught. To recover from my grief and loss I needed to understand what it was. Grief is a change in or an end of a familiar pattern of behavior, and is the normal, natural and PAINFUL emotional reaction to loss. I was not alone and also not going to recover from all the emotional pain by relying on my head to fix my heart. I needed a new set of tools to gain access to my heart, which the Grief Recovery Method provided.

My grief recovery began with identifying the myths of grief and loss which I believed were true, followed by the use of Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors (STERBs) to not feel or expose my emotions. But the greatest “aha” understanding was that loss was far more than death. In fact, there are over forty losses that we may experience in life, beginning in our childhood. It was no wonder I struggled with so much emotional and physical heaviness. I had silently managed and stored a lot of loss and grief behind my smile and “I’m Fine” mantra.

My loss history began with the birth of my sister and went on to include lost romantic relationships; moving schools and homes; graduation; getting married; purchasing a new home; career changes; loss of fertility; adoption; loss of a teaching career; suicide and death of loved ones; loss of “normal” life and educational experiences due to my children’s Autism and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder; loss of our beloved Goldendoodle; the COVID-19 losses of connection, health, safety, trust, and life of my mother-in-law; loss of other’s depending on me for advocacy and support, along with lost hopes, dreams and expectations. Because of the Grief Recovery Method, I have had the chance to recover from the incomplete emotional relationships that once were held tight in secrecy, silence, and in fear of judgement.

The Grief Recovery Method changed my life in ways never dreamed possible. I invite you to take hold of my hand and allow me the opportunity to guide you into your heart using the evidence based tools to grief recovery. Together, we will discover and recover from the pain and suffering that comes from grief and loss. When you recover from the pain filled grief that loss creates, you will have the tools necessary to experience more of life’s joys -happiness, love, gratitude, compassion, and fulfillment.