Grief is defined as the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.* Death and divorce are the most obvious losses but there are other losses. In fact, there are 43 life events that can produce feelings of grief.
Five Losses That Are Often Overlooked
If you're interested in helping a client with grief, here are five of the most damaging of the other losses that may be affecting your clients:
• Moving Frequently In Childhood
“Moves in childhood may do long-term harm” opens this NY Times article which verifies that multiple moves in childhood often set children up to become observers rather than participants in the mainstream of their lives, affecting all future relationships—social, romantic, and work.
• Broken Hopes and Dreams
We all create hopes, dreams, and expectations for our futures. Some of our plans involve professional sports. Others involve entertainment. Still others are career oriented. For many of us, those dreams never come true, leaving a ton of grief that affects our ability to be happy in life.
• Major Financial Changes
Going bankrupt can obviously produce feelings of grief. Surprisingly, gain can be more destructive. As indicated in this N.Y. Daily News article, nearly 70% of lottery winners end up broke within seven years. Clearly, winning—just like losing—produces “conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
• Changes in Personal Habits
It’s typically assumed that positive changes in personal habits—like better eating routines and a cessation of drinking and drugs for alcoholics and addicts—would be welcome. But the inability for many people to sustain new diets or remain sober proves that the grief of change is difficult, even when it’s for the better.
• Marriage
Marriage makes this short-list, because it’s the cause of many of the biggest changes we ever make to our familiar patterns of behavior. But since marriage is primarily considered to be a happy, celebratory event, we lose sight of the grief component that must be addressed so it doesn’t destroy the marriage.
*From The Grief Recovery Handbook [John W. James, Russell Friedman – HarperCollins]
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