The holidays are often seen as a time of joy, but for many, they bring feelings of grief. It’s not just about losing a loved one or dealing with major life events like divorce or job loss, it’s also about unmet expectations, changes, and letting go of past traditions. 

The Weight of Expectations 

We often have high expectations for the holidays: who will attend, how things will go, and what the celebrations will look like. Questions linger: 

• Will everyone be happy? 
• Will we all get along? 
• Will everything go as planned? 

But when things don’t meet those expectations, it can feel like a loss. 

Recognizing Loss in Change 

Loss isn’t always about big life events; it can also come from changes in traditions or routines. For instance, children grow up, and the holiday traditions they once participated in might no longer be the same. Family members may move away, or certain activities may no longer be possible. 

These changes, while not always obvious, can trigger feelings of grief, as we mourn the loss of familiar patterns and expectations. 

Grief and the Holidays 

Grief isn’t just about losing someone; it’s also a natural response to change. Whether it’s a shift in family traditions or unmet expectations, these changes can be hard to process, especially when we don’t think of them as grief; This makes it harder to talk about or even understand why we’re feeling off. 

Choosing a New Perspective 

Here's the good news: while we can’t change the past or fully control the future, we can decide how to respond to these changes. 

Instead of focusing on what isn’t happening or what’s different, we can choose to acknowledge our emotional pain then embrace the present and find joy in the new experiences the season brings. 

Tips for Navigating Holiday Changes 

1. Lower Expectations: Let go of rigid ideas about how things should be. Approach the holidays like a rollercoaster ride and enjoy the ups and downs without trying to control every turn.

2. Reframe Your Perspective: Focus on what you do have rather than what you have lost. Look for the unique joys in new situations.

3. Choose Your Attitude: You may not control what happens, but you can control how you respond. Choose to acknowledge the pain and embrace the moment to find even the smallest amount of joy in the present. 

Moving Forward 

This holiday season, choose to be present and embrace the time spent with family and loved ones, whatever that looks like. You may not control the past or predict the future, but you can choose how you live today. 

So, ask yourself: how do you want to experience the holidays? Will you let unmet expectations drag you down, or will you choose joy and gratitude? Change is hard, but with a shift in perspective, it can also be meaningful.