A Grief Support Blog

This blog will allow you the opportunity to acquire both support and guidance after experiencing a significant loss.

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Pay me now or pay me later. The high cost of unresolved Grief

You might recognize the title of this article from an advertising slogan for an automotive product several years ago. The idea was that if you spend a little bit of money on maintenance now, you might save a tremendous amount of money, replacing an entire engine, later. Let's take a look at how unresolved grief relates to this slogan.

Unresolved Grief

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  • May 16, 1994
  • Russell Friedman
  • 2 comments

Grief affects concentration. Emotional jet lag.

Working with grieving people for more than thirty years has given us a wealth of practical experience. Amongst the many observations we've made is the fact that grieving people often seem to be slower to respond to even the simplest of questions, and to be baffled by tasks that are normally routine. Imagine that your brain has been filled up with three quarts of molasses. That is pretty much the effect that a major loss event can have on your capacity to think, feel, and participate in life.

Grief affects concentration

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  • Feb 03, 1994
  • Russell Friedman
  • 14 comments

Grief Recovery: Intellect can't fix Grief - heart vs. smart!

Throughout this series of articles we make constant reference to the fact that understanding does not equal completion,  and that knowledge or intellectual awareness does not create resolution of the emotional incompleteness caused by loss. An incredible amount of our time is consumed in undoing the damage done by mixing intellect and emotions.

Intellect can't fix grief

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  • Jan 03, 1994
  • Russell Friedman
  • 3 comments

Is it ever too soon to recover from grief?

The question of when to begin a process of completing relationships that have ended or changed, due to death or divorce, is confused by conflicting opinions from a wide variety of sources. Medical, psychological, societal and family experts all approach the issue from differing perspectives.

It is not at all uncommon for us to hear of people being told, by their Professional, "it's Too Soon to begin your grief work, you're not ready yet." We grit our teeth every time we hear that comment.

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  • Dec 31, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 7 comments

Grief: Right or happy...pick one. The trap in rightness

What we believe usually dictates how we feel. Our attitudes about people and events will generate our emotional responses to them. We all think our beliefs are always right, otherwise we would believe something else. Since we have practiced our beliefs over a lifetime, we are very loyal to them. 

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  • Nov 16, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 1 comments

Grief: Exploring the "F" words #3 - Familiarity

What you practice is what you get good at! The Grief Recovery Handbook makes constant reference to the fact that you must grieve and complete your relationship to your pain. Lacking grief recovery skills, grievers often begin to identify themselves by the pain they have experienced. In a relatively short time, the griever becomes familiar with that painful identity. The griever may also develop a very strong loyalty to the now familiar pain. No one wants to give up things they own or feel very familiar with.

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  • Oct 27, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 0 comments

Exploring the "F" words #2 - Fear

In our last article we explored the impact that lack of forgiveness might have on our hearts, our minds, and our bodies. In this one we are going to focus our emotional microscope on the possible consequences of using FEAR to guide our recovery from significant emotional loss.

Retained FEAR is cumulative and cumulatively negative. If the griever does not feel safe enough to communicate about their fears, then the fears themselves appear to be real and begin to define and limit the griever. In a play on that old phrase, "you are what you eat" and "you create what you fear."

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  • Sep 17, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 0 comments

Exploring the "F" words #1 - Forgiveness

This article is the first of a trilogy where we will probe some of the myths and misinformation about three words that are very important when using The Grief Recovery Method. The words are FORGIVENESS, FEAR, and FAMILIARITY. FORGIVENESS is the subject of this article.

It is almost a pleasure to write about forgiveness rather than talking about it. There is no subject that provokes more argument, more rigidity, or more pain than the idea of forgiveness. In fact, if forgiveness were not such an important stepping stone to successful grief recovery, we would not bring it up at all.

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  • Aug 16, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 1 comments

I'm fine...and other lies!!! Telling the truth about how you feel

Have you ever said "I'm fine" when nothing could be further from the truth?... So have we so you're in the right place! A common thread running through some of the articles we have written is the misinformation we were all subjected to about processing the normal emotions caused by loss. We do not want to create any new loss issues by blaming our parents in particular or society in general for having passed on ineffective ideas, skills, and tools for dealing with loss. All we want to do is help establish that what we have been using to process our sad, painful, or negative feelings hasn't worked, and that we need to acquire more effective tools for dealing with loss events.

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  • Jul 26, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 10 comments

Am I paranoid or are people avoiding me?

Even though grievers seem to be walking though quicksand, they usually have a heightened awareness of what is going on around them. In particular, they are very aware of being judged, evaluated, or criticized. In earlier articles we talked about the killer clichés that are not helpful to grievers. Unhelpful comments almost always encourage the griever to feel some way other than the way they feel.

 

For example: "Don't feel sad, you should feel grateful that you had him/her for so long!"

 

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  • Jun 01, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 9 comments

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