Over the last 35 years, we have been honored to work with some incredibly brave people. Every day we receive phone calls from people with unimaginable stories and enormous courage. We will be featuring some of these stories in our new weekly blog series. This is Towhanna's story,
Hello Grief Recovery Readers,
My Name is Towhanna Boston a Grief Recovery Specialist out of Waldorf MD. I'm sharing my journey of the death of my two youngest children on September 11, 2004. Octavia age 8 and Christopher Jr. age 7 were tragically killed while crossing the street in Washington DC by a suspect fleeing police during a high speed chase. Perhaps you can imagine the pain my heart was feeling; a pain that’s indescribable, but one that has become all too familiar for many parents who’ve had to bury their children.
I remembered prior to the children being picked up by their dad, having a conversation about what they were going to eat at the picnic. Christopher Jr. remembered what he ate the year before and said “mommy, I am going to eat more shrimp this time” then we all just laughed. I truly miss those smiles. I also remember after their death the first time I had to go grocery shopping. My bill had decreased tremendously because I no longer needed to buy all of their favorite foods.
Some normal emotions surrounding the death of my children were shock, disbelief, sadness, lost of appetite, disappointment. I remembered how it took some getting used to the house being so quiet. There were no more “mom, can I have a snack?” or “can you give my friend a snack too?” or “can we go outside to play?” Those were some of the best days of being a mom. Now, I have no homework to check, no school projects to complete, and no parent & teacher conferences to attend. What was I to do? I felt so lost. It was like I was walking in a cloud and could not see my way through this stuff storm of life.
Some comments that I was hearing or comments said directly to me that was not helpful after the children died were - they are in a better place, at least they died together, the worst was - you still have two children left........so hurtful! But, there were others who were very helpful and supportive by assisting with phone calls, preperation for the funeral services, and helping with family members coming from out of town to be with me during this difficult time. And a few months later, three very good longtime friends suggested we all go out of town on a trip. That was a lot of fun!
While on our little trip I realized I was clinging to things that made me feel better. Some of the things were eating all my comfort foods, burgers, fries, pizza, pancakes, fried chicken......delicious! Then I shopped until i realize that the pain was still there. These things only lasted a short time. Although those things did not make me feel better, what made me feel better was sharing my story and helping others through the death of their loved ones. I also had to forgive myself and everyone that I blamed for my children’s death; by doing so, I felt better as I healed.
I did not work with a Grief Recovery Specialist but years later I attended the Grief Recovery Certificate Training and let me tell you, that was the best thing I have done since the death of my children. Since the training I completed my practice group which was fun! Each participant enjoyed discovering their own unresolved issues with their personal losses. Some of the things that I found very helpful was the loss & relationship graphs used in the practice group. It allowed me to work on completely healing and moving beyond the pain.
My life now is very fulfilling with helping others through their loss or encouraging them to take the Grief Recovery Certificate Training, or visit the Grief Recovery website. Sometimes our tragedy will push us into our life purpose. For more of my story, visit www.taviandcjlives.weebly.com
Thank you Grief Recovery Team
Towhanna
Comments
Lois Hall, MS
thanks for sharing your story Towhanna - but even more for using your story - and the training - to help more people. So glad you've begun and that your first class went well. thanks for being you.
What an inspirational story. Thank you for sharing this.
This program allowed me to heal from my various unresolved grief issues. It is funny how sometimes in my professional and home environment I can used language like, "but I am over it now, it has been 27 years!" And yet I suffered from depression and just keep going to work. This programs introduction into using new language and ways of expressing and resolving my emotional attachments and relationship to my grief helped me to complete my experience and heal. Alicia Jerome, B.A., Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, Alberta. Look for me on Facebook, and thank you so much for sharing your story.
Anonymous
Wow, Towhanna. Thank you so much for sharing your story and helping others. Your honesty is courageous!
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