Do you know someone who is grieving a death?

Chances are high that at some time during your life you’ll come across someone who is.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 2.9 million deaths per year in the United States. Not only that, but there are 5 grievers associated with each death on average.

 That is a huge number of grievers who need to be listened to with dignity and respect.

Have you ever wondered how you could help your friends who are suffering after someone they care about has died? If so, this blog is for you.


1. Ask “what happened”, then listen to their answer.

A lot of times when grievers start talking about their losses they are interrupted by well-meaning friends offering advice. Being interrupted can leave the griever feeling unheard or no longer willing to talk. Grievers don’t need to be fixed. They need a safe place to share their memories and feelings. Be a safe person for them to talk to by being a good listener.

2. Say, “I can’t imagine how heartbreaking that must have been for you”.

You’ve probably heard people say to a griever, “I know how you feel”.  Even if two people had the same kind of loss they could never know exactly how the other person feels. That’s because no two relationships are the same.  For example, even if two sisters were grieving the death of their dad, neither sister would know exactly how the other one feels because each had unique relationships with him.

If you want to share a bit about your own experience with loss try saying something like,
 “I can’t imagine how you feel. I know when my dad died I felt…”
Then be quiet and let the griever talk about him or herself.

3. Be empathetic and listen with your heart.

It’s perfectly normal to be affected while listening to someone’s sad story. And it’s okay to show your emotions if you have any. If you feel like crying, cry.  If you feel like laughing, laugh.

4. Stay in the moment.  

Have you noticed when other people talk about their losses it can remind you of losses you’ve experienced? That’s normal. But it can take you out of the moment.
If your mind travels somewhere else, the griever will notice.  If you do go out of the moment please tell the griever and apologize.  You can say something like,
“When you were talking about your dad who died it reminded me of my mom and I went out of the moment.  Sorry, I’m back now.”
If you have a hard time focusing while they talk, follow their words as if there was a red bouncy ball over each of them, like in the sing-along cartoons you used to watch as a kid.


One of the best gifts you can give a person with a broken heart is the gift of listening. Do not judge, analyze, or criticize. Simply listen.

Most of us were taught what to do when we acquire stuff, but not what to do when we lose things.  This blog is only the beginning of learning more about what is helpful and unhelpful to grievers. The Grief Recovery Method Personal Workshop goes into great detail about misinformation you might have been taught about grief, and provides powerful tools on how to recover from devastating loss.  Do yourself a favor and schedule a free phone call to learn more about the training.