This program allowed me to assess my life in a way that I had previously not done. Personalitywise, I tend to be very hypercritical of myself and have an extremely difficult time expressing my emotions as one of my short energy release behaviors that I learned about was being physically active and seeking the approval of others. While this may not seem initially problematic over the recent years it has escalated to unhealthy levels which impeded my ability to be timely with tasks. Initially, I was engaging in this behavior unbeknownst to me. Steve, the facilitator I was working with, reminded me of the importance of you are doing this for yourself and don't short-change yourself. Hearing this from a person who was at the time someone I barely knew was humbling and insightful because on a conscious level I was thinking well I am doing what you ask. However, after a couple of sessions and being reminded about the importance of being emotionally available I later recognized that I was simply retelling events and not actually describing my actual emotions of the events that had happened. The following session I believe it was the third session where he explained the 5 basic emotions where I finally recognized that for many years I had kind of disassociated my emotions from myself. This was really eye-opening as I had heard of people doing this, but was completely unaware of this within myself. I did recognize though that thorough review of my losses prior to graphing them out that I took not the personality characteristics of people of I had lost; notably my grandmother. Specifically, I started acting older than I was after her death which was something I was aware of. Steve's observation of my use of sarcasm and explanation of empathy was when I started to really gain insight into understanding my emotion of anger that I had. I knew I had the emotion of anger but, I associated that with my background of being in special education. However, that was not the case it was more about needing help when growing up and feeling dependent. Over the session, I became able to actually express myself without feeling frustrated which was a very big accomplishment in and of its self. Another insight that I learned was how powerful the subconscious mind is in relation to grief. Having one's repressed memories come up was an extraordinary shock. Especially, when you didn't even know you had repressed them. While this initially was a very scary experiencing learning to go with that emotion but not become consumed by it was what really allowed me to recognize my emotions. The best way I can describe it was was through the metaphor of getting an electrical shock to the heart for a person who is in cardiac arrest. However, this metaphor was applied to my emotional heart in my mind. I could finally feel my emotions from my memories of when I was first adopted. I would be walking and "pop" a memory would fly up. While this was intense and recognizing that grief is a natural process having this occurring did start to become concerning as I needed to actually have my graduate school work in a timely fashion. Steve's reassurance that it was not possible to break one's mind and that this occurrence was normal as my brain was processing things was extremely helpful. The most intense part was when I ended up losing my wallet which was when I needed to call and really ask how do I get this to stop? Steve's ability to be calm and patient about this was extremely valuable. While working on the assignments of the relationship graph, statements were difficult and my hesitation was evident Steve's patience, guidance, and assistance were helpful and essential to me understanding how this process was meant to work. As an individual who is curious and has some knowledge of psychology from being in therapy, I thought that I knew how things went but when I needed steering, Steve was able to give practical meaningful suggestions which were helpful and I am glad I took. Overall, this program helped me gain insight into myself and have a greater appreciation of the extraordinary abilities that the human brain is capable of. During this program, I also noticed that my willingness to write about things increased. One insight, that was brought to my attention was how I repeat myself and it was Steve's comment of people that repeat themselves often are people who often feel unheard. This insight was really powerful as it made me think of how I do not recognize the power of my words which was another insight I gained through this process. While I am grateful for the opportunity to have gone through this program and gain these insights I recognize the importance that I have a lot more work within myself to do. However, I need to let my brain adjust before I jump into this further and I am confident that I will be working in this program afterward. I can honestly and respectfully say that Mr. John James and Mr. Russell Freidman's Grief Recovery Handbook and the Grief Recovery Institute have a very powerful and effective program that has the ability to benefit an extraordinary amount of people and grievers and effectively address the mental health crisis occurring in the United States and worldwide. As a person who thought they knew grief, I thank you for allowing me to learn what grief is and better understand myself. If I were able to nominate a program for Nobel Peace Prize I would definitely nominate Grief Recovery Institute. Thank you to all certified grief recovery specialists, you helped a public health professional grow and become more capable than he ever thought he was. Keep up the great and excellent important work!
