Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by a change in or an end to a familiar pattern of behavior. This means you grieve anything that disrupts your routine or alters your familiar surroundings. Yes, even life events that most people would consider happy.
Take moving, for example.
Have you ever moved?
Even if you moved into your dream home or neighborhood, did you notice that it took awhile to adjust? Moving disrupts what is familiar to you. That can be hard when our human brains crave stability and routine. Think about it. You have new driving routes, new neighbors, and shop at new stores. Your whole life is out of order. So even if you are thrilled about your new home, you can simultaneously grieve what you left at your old home, and the adjustment to your new home.
Another example is getting sober. We all celebrate when someone overcomes drug and alcohol addiction, and it is a great thing, but it comes with challenges. Navigating a new, sober lifestyle means giving up old relationships, and facing painful emotions that were suppressed by drugs and alcohol. It’s by no means easy and can cause tremendous emotional pain, even if it’s a positive change.
Retirement is another example. While often celebrated, it marks a profound change. After working at the same office for 30 years, retirees suddenly lose daily interactions with colleagues, leading to a significant grieving experience. Despite this, society tends to focus on the positive aspects, overlooking the potential sadness and confusion the retiree might feel.
Marriage, having babies, and going away to college, are also on the list.
Unrecognized grief doesn't happen in a vacuum. When you are unaware that you are grieving, your behavior can change in unhealthy ways—drinking, endless scrolling on social media, or overeating, for example. These actions are often attempts to cope with the unfamiliar and unrecognized grief.
Grieving events extend beyond the obvious losses, like death and divorce, but often, friends and family don't recognize them as such. This lack of recognition can leave you isolated in your grief, not realizing that your feelings stem from these significant life changes.
Without the skills to discuss these feelings with friends or family, this hidden grief can threaten your happiness. Recognizing and addressing all forms of grief, not just those linked to death, is crucial for your emotional well-being.
By understanding and discussing these experiences, you can better support yourself, your friends, and your family through life's many transitions.
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