A Grief Support Blog

This blog will allow you the opportunity to acquire both support and guidance after experiencing a significant loss.

The myth that time heals all wounds

  • Jun 02, 2016
  • Russell Friedman
  • 4 comments
Songwriters from Carole King to Sheena Easton have purported this phrase: "Time heals all wounds." Mourners seek to comfort those grieving with the same words. The sad truth is, that's a lie.

How long does grief last?

 
Whenever I conduct a seminar, I ask this question: "How many of you are still experiencing confusion, loneliness, sadness, pain, or grief because of someone who died five years ago?" Hands go up. I ask the audience members to keep their hands up and then ask for those who are still struggling after 10, 15, or 20 years. Why wouldn't 20 years be enough to adequately grieve the loss of someone you love? 
 

Time alone doesn't have the ability to heal wounds.

 

 

 
Let's take a look an example. If you were to go out to the parking lot and find your car had a flat tire, would you pull up a chair and wait for the tire to fill itself up with air? While that may seem illogical, this is exactly what telling someone who is grieving that "time heals all wounds" or "give it time" does.
 
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The emotionally broken heart is remarkably like that tire. Without action, the pain gets worse with time, your ability to manage life decreases, and your world shrinks. Perhaps this is where you find yourself today as you read this.
 
Similarly, learning a new skill doesn't just take time. If you want to learn to play the guitar, you don't just sit with a guitar in your lap and wait. You have to work at it. You have to learn the notes, how to move your fingers, and then you have to practice the same song over and over.
 
Do not believe those who may have told you you're not ready to do your grief work yet.
 
That's the furthest thing from the truth! While experiencing healing may seem too big an experience to promise, we can help you discover and complete what was left emotionally unfinished with a person who is either still living or has died, either recently or long ago.
 
Nothing will change until reparative actions begin, and then, as the result of those actions taken within time, you will be able to feel emotionally complete. Please don’t be fooled into thinking that merely waiting for time to pass will help you feel better.
 
To learn more about how time does not heal all wounds, here are some other articles with additional information:
 
 
 
Free book grief loss death divorce recovery
 
 

Comments

Perry Rainey

Fri, 09/16/2016 - 5:22pm
Thank you for the free booklet Myths About Grief that I was able to download and print. My life has been touched with grief in the age related deaths of my Father and Mother, the death of my first wife of 26 years, the death of our first son dying as an adult, and most recently the death of my second wife of six years marriage at age 66 dying from pancreatic cancer in our home June 8, 2016. This time has been my most difficult time with grief. I thank you again for helping me with the material you provided on line that I was able to download. I attempted to purchase your book The Grief Recovery: Action Progam for Moving Beyond Death but both stores did not have the book. I'll find a copy. Thanks again. Perry [email protected].

Brittany Johns, M.S., Director of Specialist Relations and Events

Mon, 09/19/2016 - 9:31am
Hi Perry,

I am so sorry for your losses. You can purchase books through our website: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/books or on Amazon, as well. Please let us know if you have any questions or concerns at all.

peter berry

Sun, 02/19/2017 - 8:32am
my german of 17ys young died on the 15. I feel like a wrung out wash rag. she is all i had everyone is dead. i'm 52 and i feel like half of me is gone. i'm gonna see my doctor tomm. i need help really bad. i work at the airline- physical work- i feel like i have no strength in me. my gloria died here at home. I was gonna put her down the following day. she was sick. the pain is most intense right after waking up. i took off from work from last tues and go back on wed. PT work very, very flexible. my head feels wobbly now

Wendy B.

Fri, 03/17/2017 - 6:00pm
This website/blog is what I needed as my Dad is entering Hospice tomorrow. I am planning on reading the book as soon as I get to purchase it. I'm scared and feel alone even though my Mom and brother will be here also. Doctor suggested morphine to keep Dad comfortable and palliative hospice. We begin tomorrow if he makes it. I do not want to go back to work and I work at a nursing home and deal with death practically everyday. I feel burned out from it and now this with my Dad seems to put me over the edge. Please help and please offer me any advice and lots of prayers. Sincerely, Wendy B.

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