As you walk through grief, you may feel like there are myriad sensory landmines waiting to be triggered: seeing that picture in the hall, passing that special place you used to go together, sorting through personal items, or recognizing a sound or smell that reminds you of that person.
And if your friend or loved one is grieving, you may worry that you'll say or do the wrong thing, and trigger another reminder of their loss, and another "bout" of grief. (If you have a chance, read our last post on What Does Grief Look Like?)
So are there obvious triggers to grief? Yes! There are 43 different life experiences that trigger grief, so attempting to avoid all sensory landmines simply isn’t possible — even if you might think doing so would help you move forward. To learn more about these different life everts, we suggest you read Grief: The 40+ events that can be triggers
Actually, avoiding the obvious triggers to grief is not helpful to the griever.
By choosing not to deal with a trigger any time you experience it, you are actually creating landmines in your future to deal with at a later time. Experiencing triggers is a healthy part of grieving because it can make you aware of unresolved grief you are carrying. Each trigger gives you an opportunity to face head-on whatever facet of grief it is eliciting. Wading through the emotion is better than stuffing it.
As you grieve, you may think that determining not to feel any emotions is an acceptable way of coping. What you don’t realize, though, is that those feelings will find their way to the surface, whether you’re conscious of them or not. If you isolate yourself from anything that triggers your grief, it will often surface in places and at times that will cause you even more grief. And the more you stuff those emotions, the bigger the release may be in the form of emotional implosions or explosions.
As challenging as it is, move toward the triggers that your senses encounter as you grieve. Since you can’t go over, under, or around them, choose to go directly through them. It may seem scary and painful, but it is the correct path. Choose to view them as life’s way of helping you move forward, even though that pain you’d like to avoid is part of the process.
What have been some of your triggers?
What did they remind you of, or what did they stir in you? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section.
Comments
Barbara Ferguson
Thank you. We are approaching our 7th anniversary and I am still stunned when the wave engulfs.
Anonymous
Hi Barbara, thank you for posting your comment. We can't even imagine what you must be feeling. We are always here if you need someone to talk to. Call us anytime at 800-334-7606.
Anonymous
Thank you for the wonderful work being done for those who are grieving. My husband passed five years ago and I am now selling our home, which is bring up many emotions, but with the help of the Grieving Program and all the friendships and assistance from the Grieving Specialist life is so blessed. My sincere best wishes to all!
Tammy Bowers
I lost my son 19 months ago and it's been a long hard road, I truly appreciate all the helpful reading post I can get, and I do realize there are many triggers, and some
Days are harder then others, my son was only 16 and just turned 16 in June and I Lost him 9-11-2014 and there isn't a day or moment that I don't think of him, how would he look now and he would be graduating High School next month and he & I looked forward to that day for many years !! May 2016 he graduates and Mom turns the big 50, one of our milestones. Thank you all so much being that I lost my son to suicide has been so hard with loss, grief and anger and most of all the guilt and all the what if's and why
Couldn't. I hear anything some times those questions get me going even though I know I can't think like that or I will never be able to move forward into more heathy thinking of just being grateful for our 16 years together, it's a very trying & painful thing to lose your child and suicides leaves so many questions that go though your mind. I'm working hard to stay positive it's hard when you long for your child to walk though the door and say Mom, what's for dinner ? I MISS HIM & LOVE HIM ALL ALL MY BEING, and I miss hearing him ask me that question it was almost a daily question. Thank you for listening and I feel better when I can vent and release my thoughts.
Anonymous
Tammy, we are so sorry for your loss and cannot imagine what that must feel like for you. We are here if you need anything at all or have any questions. Feel free to call us at 800-334-7606 or e-mail us at [email protected] any time. We also suggest finding a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman, reading it and taking the steps outlined in it.
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